The Navy Girl Book

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The Navy Girl Book is a collection of short pieces of surreal humor, absurdity, twisted dialogue, non sequiturs, incongruity, unabashed silliness, strange weirdness, and puns galore.

It includes profound wisdom, such as:

If the only tool we have is a bottle of whiskey, then every problem looks like we can get drunk and forget about it.

And advice on how to achieve a satisfying relationship, such as:

Do you have a girlfriend who believes the commercial that says, “Show her you love her with diamonds”? If so, dump her and find a girlfriend who equates love with something less expensive, like a sandwich.

And tips on how to improve your workplace, such as:

Help create and sustain a healthy and positive work environment by making a commitment to not support workplace gossip, unlike that bitch Martha in accounting.

And heartwarming childhood memories, such as:

When I was a kid I loved riding my bike really fast down streets with big hills, even though my parents told me it was unsafe. They were always telling me, “We worry about what would happen if a car suddenly backed out of a driveway.” Sure enough, one day a car backed out of a driveway and ran over my parents.

And important public service announcements, such as:

Tomorrow is Bring Your Child to Work day! Help your children understand what Mommy and Daddy do all day long and why every night they feel the need to get drunk.

And lots, lots, more. About 400 more, to be specific.